


I wish it was me...

by specsi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Character Death, M/M, One Shot, Paramedic!Suga, Policeman!Daichi, a lot..., i cried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 12:48:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20724461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/specsi/pseuds/specsi
Summary: Hi Daichi.Sorry for calling you on shift, I know you won’t pick up. I just- could you call me once you get this please?---There's been an accident and here's what followed.





	I wish it was me...

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!   
Thank you for reading. I wanted to try a different format, so here's this. I hope it worked. 
> 
> Also I was hit in the feels and then I went and made it so much worse. Excuse me while I go and cry in the corner. 
> 
> Inspired by:  
Officer Down - Hannah Ellis

Hey Daichi!

I’m just popping in and saying hi because I haven’t managed to catch you before you left work even though I usually do. I’m sorry, something came up.

I really didn’t want to leave you without your good luck kiss today, but I’m afraid you’ll just have to pick it up when you come home. So I’ll just wish you a good shift for now and I’ll see you later. 

Stay safe, okay?

…..

Hi, Suga. Just to let you know, I’m leaving the house now, for work.

I’m not sure if to worry because you’re not back yet or if you’ll laugh at me that I should take my own advice next time.

Well anyway. Let me know when you’re back. I-

Just to be sure.

Drive safe.

…..

Hi Daichi. 

Sorry for calling you on shift, I know you won’t pick up. I just- could you call me once you get this please? 

I know I’m paranoid, I’m sorry. It’s just that Asahi called me to check the news because they said the police was involved in a shooting and I couldn’t find out who or where… 

I know you always tell me not to worry and I’m trying, I really am. I do trust you when you say you’ll come home. I- 

Please let me know you’re okay.

…..

Suga?

Oh, it’s the voicemail.

Well anyway, could you call back once you get this? I know I shouldn’t call you on shift but it seems there’s been an incident with an ambulance. I only overheard the com and I just wanted to check. I swear this doesn’t count as overreacting. 

It sounded somewhat serious. So just- 

Text me back.

…..

Daichi, the hospital called.

They said you’re in the OR now. I’m on my way and I don’t think I can go any faster without ending up in the OR myself. I really really want to be with you right now.

They won’t even tell me what exactly is going on. They said they can’t discuss it over the phone. I probably shouldn’t have been so strict on the receptionist, but she wouldn’t tell me how bad it is. 

I know it’s stupid but I really want to help. I know I’m not a doctor but I can’t bring myself to just do nothing… I need to make sure you’ll be fine!

Sorry. I’ll stay calm. I promise.

At least I’ll try. Maybe they’ll let me see you soon.

Just hold on a little longer.

…..

Suga you need to call me back immediately.

That was your ambulance. I know the number by heart. That was your ambulance.

They said they only took one paramedic in to the hospital and it better not be you. I swear Suga, it can’t be you.

Please, you have to call me back or I’m going to turn grey and then be bald sooner than you. 

We have Tanaka. That’s enough for bald guys in the group, there’s no need for a second one, right?

Seriously though. I know I tell you not to worry, but this is a legitimate reason to worry and I’m left hanging here. I shouldn’t even be listening to the com but otherwise I won’t find out anything at all.

Please Suga. Even a quick text would be enough.

…..

I hate waiting rooms Daichi. And now I hate them even more. 

The nurse said you were brought in and rushed for an emergency surgery. She said you’ve been shot multiple times. She said you’ve lost a lot of blood. It took them some time to get to you.

I- It seems so surreal. 

I’ve treated shot wounds before and it’s never good.

But I’ve never had to wait like this.

This can’t be real, right? If it was, I’d be crying right? 

The nurse came to check in on me. Apparently I was staring and not moving for a long time.

Oh, well. You’re still not back so it couldn’t have been that long.

I just keep thinking if maybe it was our ambulance responding we’d give you a better chance?

I don’t know. 

I just wish there was something I could do. Anything. I would do it immediately. 

Let’s go home Daichi. I hate crying in the waiting rooms.

…..

I got a call from the paramedic driving with you. 

He was crying. I couldn’t understand half of what he said.

The hospital parking lot is so full right now I barely found a spot. 

Apparently they’ve taken you in to the OR.

I should have been nicer to the nurse. 

The waiting is going to be the end of me Suga. If they would just let me in or tell me what’s going on or let me do something… I would do anything Suga, you know it.

So please, come back so I can help you.

Come home Suga. I swear I’ll do anything but you have to let me help.

I’m scared Suga.

You were supposed to be done with the shift already. What happened? 

Why was it your response team? 

…..

They still haven’t brought you out. The nurse doesn’t know what’s taking so long. Or at least she won’t tell me.

She said I should go eat something, but I can’t. My stomach feels all kinds of wrong. I don’t think I’d keep any kind of food down at all.

We were supposed to eat dinner together when you come home. Can I just wait for you?

You have to come back, Daichi. I can’t do this without you. I know you wouldn’t believe me but you were the one keeping me on my feet. You helped me so much. I know I won’t ever be able to give back what you gave to me and I know I don’t deserve you but-

Daichi I love you so much. And I know I’m asking for a lot, but if you could stay with me please, Daichi.

I know it’s hard, but if you’re still in the OR that means you’re still fighting, right? 

Hold on Daichi.

I want to go home with you.

…..

There are no news yet.

I keep dozing off in that tiny chair and waking up when an image of losing you crosses my mind. 

I’m trying to not think like that. I know you’d tell me that I’m too negative and that I need to trust you and have hope. I really try Suga, but it’s difficult to believe if you’re not here reminding me. 

You’re supposed to be the one who’s positive about things and doesn’t let me be too down. There’s no one else that can do that Suga.

I need you. You have no idea how much.

Please Suga, don’t leave me behind. I know I’m always holding you back but you can’t leave me behind now.

I still owe you that dinner I promised to cook so you better come home so that I can cook it. 

I should have been there. I don’t know how and I don’t care. Somehow. I just know that I should have been there.

…..

The doctor came to talk to me. He took me to a room for when they need to talk to people alone.

I knew. I knew when I saw the way he looked at me but- There was this naive little piece in me that maybe even if it’s bad news we can get through this.

That somehow we’ll manage, like we always have.

I’m sorry Daichi. I don’t think I can help this time.

He said that there’s been too many wounds, that you’ve lost too much blood, that the bullet hit an unlucky place.

He said the things I always tell people when I try to console them. I have never realized how useless and empty they are.

He said that you’re not waking up anymore. 

He asked me if there is anyone I want to talk to, but you’re the one I talk to when there is something wrong Daichi.

You’re not coming home anymore.

…..

The doctor came and took me to the ICU. He said that you were out of surgery and still on anesthesia but you weren’t out of the woods yet. He said you need to keep up the fight a little longer.

They don’t let visitors in normally at this time but he let me stay with you.

You looked so small and pale in the hospital bed, like a single wrong touch would break you in half. I would take it all away in a heartbeat if I could.

I sat down into a chair next to the bed. It was even more uncomfortable than the ones in the waiting room. I tried to talk to you, like we usually do when something is wrong.

You always said it helped you when we talked, so I hoped maybe it would help you this time too.

I have no idea how long I sat with you, but the rest happened in a flash.

I thought I saw you move and I got so hopeful for a second. Then the monitor that was beeping started going crazy. You started shaking and I didn’t know what to do. It took the doctors so long to come it felt like an eternity. They were calling out words I couldn’t understand and rushing around. A nurse pushed me out from the room. No one would tell me what was going on.

A few more people came running in and then I heard some more rushed shouting.

Then there was the awful beep. The long one.

I think my knees gave out, I’m not sure. Somehow I ended up sitting in a chair in one of the secluded rooms.

My hands were shaking so much and it felt like I couldn’t breathe.

Then the doctor from before walked into the room holding his stethoscope. He had this weird empty look on his face.

He tried to be nice, I think. 

Then he said you weren’t coming back.

My ears started ringing sometime after that. 

I can’t lose you Suga.

You’re always the one that knows what to do in difficult situations.

I can’t come to an empty home. 

You were supposed to be there before I left, wish me good luck and tell me to stay safe. Why can’t you follow your own advice?

I want you back, Suga. I need you to be here now.

I know I’m selfish but I need you so much.

I would give anything for just one moment with you.

Don’t leave me behind Suga…

…..

They made me go home. They said I needed to finally leave the hospital and take some rest.

The flat is so empty and quiet. It feels wrong. The sounds echo through the flat so loudly and it’s all so heavy…

It’s hard to walk. It’s hard to stand. It’s hard to breathe.

Nothing seems real.

I keep checking the clock to see if your shift ended yet, if you’re about to come home.

And then I remember you won’t ever come home again.

Why Daichi? Why did this happen to you and why now?

I always kissed you goodbye before your shift so why was it today? Why did it have to be today that I came in later? Why did your luck ran out on a day like this?

I want to see you again. I want to hear you again so badly but I can’t.

I’ll never wake up to see your sleeping face and I’ll never get to hug you after a hard day and I’ll never see the way you smile when I bring you cereal to bed.

I always wished you’d be able to see the way you smile. The corners of your mouth would lift up and there would be small crinkles by your eyes and it would feel so warm when you smiled at me like that.

I’ll never get to see that smile again.

I’ll never get to talk to you again.

How am I supposed to do that Daichi?

I can’t Daichi.

It hurts.

Every second hurts so much…

I can’t do this alone Daichi.

If only I was there maybe I could have been there. If I came home on time maybe it would change anything. If we were the ones responding I could have done something. I should have done something. Daichi, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. If only I’ve done something differently you still might have been here. 

I’m so sorry Daichi, I-

It hurts.

I wish it was me instead.

…..

The paramedic that rode with you took me home. It felt weird and I could only think that it shouldn’t be him with me, but I couldn’t do anything.

Every breath felt so wrong, like I shouldn’t have been the one taking it.

He made us tea but neither of us have touched it since he sat it down.

He apologized so much. He kept crying and asking for forgiveness.

I know it wasn’t his fault and I tried to tell him. I don’t think he believed me though. I tried to say something that would make him, me, feel better but it didn’t work. At the end, he had nothing much to say and left, offering help if I ever needed. But he can’t bring you back to me.

I keep seeing the memories we made in our living room. The way you’d laugh at a bad joke I made and the way you’d dance around when your favourite song came on and the way your eyes would light up every time I brought you a cup of coffee.

I never deserved you and now you’re gone.

I kissed you goodbye many times, but never like this.

It feels like the world is falling down.

You deserved more time and I wish I could be there with you.

If I caught the problem before they sent you maybe we’d be there first. Maybe we could have changed something. I should have been there somehow.

I’m so sorry Suga. I let you down.

I wish it was me instead.


End file.
